I’m ready.

I’m ready to be married. I’m ready to call him ‘my husband’ and I’m dying to have his last name. I’m ready for our small wedding with only our friends and families. I’m ready to search for a house with him. I’m ready to pick out furniture and other household stuff at IKEA. I’m ready to grocery shop and cook our first meal in our new place.

I’m also ready for all the hardships, arguments, and obstacles we’ll face. I’m not seeking a perfect marriage, because likely that such a thing doesn’t exist. But I am seeking the next best thing. I want a relationship with Allah as our foundation. I am ready for every single thing marriage has to offer for us.

 

 

It’s not fair.

He’s better than any drug you could ever take . He’s like the best friend you can sit and do nothing with , yet still have an amazing time . Conflicting schedules make it difficult to see him more than once a month , if I am lucky . Which I’m not very lucky at all . I have become a better person since knowing him . He’s watered me and I’ve grown into something nice , in my opinion . If only I can tell my mom “Hey I’m Muslim and I’m engaged to this guy .” It’s not that simple and it never will be . It’s hard not living together . We are both still living at home , still going to school , still working . It’s not fair that every single time I go on Facebook or Instagram , someone else is engaged or just got married . It’s not fair that they get to go home to their spouse everyday . It’s not fair they are decorating their first house together . It’s not fair that they go grocery shopping together . It’s not fair , but I realized it’s just not my time . We are living according to Allah’s clock . Whatever happens was already predetermined by him , and we have no power at all to control or alter whatever he has planned for us .